side character syndrome
welcome to this week’s edition of The Ode. this week you will find a personal musing along with some media recommendations and life updates at the bottom. thank you for subscribing and happy reading!
“Main character”, that’s all anyone strives to be isn’t it?
Popular media has always glorified this idea of the “Main Character”. We have the selfless hero, the misunderstood hero, the one who just simply cannot catch a break ever. They get themselves into all sorts of trouble, all sorts of crazy storylines that you might think to yourself is just downright tiring. Even social media has its ever growing popularisation of having “main character syndrome’”. I can see why it would be alluring to the general audience. There’s a romance to that chaos that befalls the Main Characters in stories that people perhaps fantasise having and being the centre of their own story. And for the most part, that’s what life really seems to be like.
But what happens when you realise that you’ve become the side character? When you’ve “protected your peace” to the point of seeming almost dull?
I’m privileged to be surrounded by beautiful and inspiring people who I am honoured to call my loved ones. Yet somehow, I can’t shake that dangerous envy sometimes that their life will always be more fulfilling, more exciting and just, more ‘main character’ than mine will ever be. I bear witness to these polarising scenes in their lives which is equal parts amazing and hollowing. It never fails to beg the question of ‘when will it be my turn?’. When will I have that whirlwind romance, the once-in-a-lifetime chance encounter? The list goes on and before I know it, I find myself stuck in that same spiral time and time again.
Envy to me feels as if a black goo has adhered to me and refuses to let go. It stains my perspectives and I seep into that mindset of ‘never being enough’, eventually drowning me in all its darkness and weight. It makes me feel like I want to take it away from the other person and possess it. Yet, I never actually follow through on it and it just keeps growing and growing.
Sometimes I also wonder, are my ‘Main Character’ friends only friends with me because I am their side character? Every Main Character must always have their loyal sidekick, their little jester comic relief character. Do I just make their lives seem more interesting in contrast because my life is just seemingly that dull? Not to say that some of the things I do are genuinely boring, but when you’re contrasting whisking off with a person you’ve just met to go on a trip to a foreign land on a two-week notice to joining a weekly reading club? I hate to say it, but the stark difference is definitely undeniable.
Clearly I am also not blameless in this regard. Often times, I have pondered over what I could do to be ‘more interesting’. How do I go about doing something that makes the story come truly from me instead of something someone else has experienced? Is that something also authentically me? That’s what I’m still figuring out, including making friends as an adult (a topic for another time I’m sure). Perhaps I need to find the romance in the ‘mundane’ – joining a semi-regular reading club with strangers where you meet for a coffee and a silent 2 hour reading session, or even sitting on my bed, laptop propped up on a pillow and living my own I-Couldn’t-Help-But-Wonder Carrie Bradshaw moment.
It makes me wonder how much this ‘side character syndrome’ I have affects me really. Maybe I tend to seek out people who seem to have that ‘main character syndrome’. Or perhaps I just place people on a pedestal, and end up sidelining myself rather than being sidelined by them. I can admit that my ego certainly takes a blow when I realise the sidelining is happening and I find myself grinning and bearing it when said people start to recount their recent unique happening. In the end, I’m left conflicted and ashamed that I wasn’t truly present in their sharing because I was half-busy sitting in my own guilt and envy towards them.
A second thought eventually comes to me that reassures me of the complex yet beautiful aspect of friendships (especially female friendships, from my perspective). This quote from Mary Gaitskill’s ‘The Friendship Challenge’ article echoes this sentiment:
“…Jealousy coexisted with deep love; the girls love and uphold each other, like boxers resting in a moment of clinch.”
Ultimately, what I’ve learned through this pondering is that you’re not just a story for the entertainment of others. Maybe your story doesn’t involve plot lines that is like an action movie, with its spectacle and awe. Sometimes, your story is just the quiet idealism of being by the side, observing the chaos of the universe.
media recommendations:
Music
July – Hozier, a lovely upbeat song sung by everyone’s favourite woodland king
Only Angel – Harry Styles, classic sexy feel-good rock song
Old Friend – Mitski, how much do you like yearning and self-pity? (yes)
life updates:
dyed my hair this week back to a somewhat familiar colour I had almost 10 years ago, how time flies!
looking forward to planning my very big upcoming Europe trip with my childhood friends
somewhat not-looking forward to packing for my upcoming Australia trip, though very much looking forward to the trip!
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For what it's worth, I swear that side characters are often the most endearing and compelling.
This resonated with me heavily!